Remembering What They Gave Me

They, are my fathers. When I was sixteen, one gave me a set of pearls to mark my coming of age. Now at twenty-four, the other has given me a diamond pendant cross on a fine chain, to mark our reunion after a life's absence. One begs me to remember and another asks me to forgive. Each pearl on a strand could be a memory: a Tuesday night Scrabble match, an evening driving lesson at that empty parking lot in the Sunset district, a bedtime story from Listening to the Great Teacher, an afternoon out on the old pier in Pacifica, a Sunday at the Hall, a Saturday in service, a dinner at Aunt Willy's. The pearls go on, eternally, like the memories I will always have of my father, Johnny Jefferson.

I've mentioned this cross before. It is my first diamond jewelry. It is the loved relic of a faith I never knew how to practice and of the family I am still learning how to know. The father whose name I carry, gave this piece to me. Its diamonds shine hard like the yearning to understand that never dissipated. Timeless, they say, I imagine one day, after my ashes have been spread, it will adorn the neck of a niece or daughter whose beliefs are different than mine. Will she know what it meant to me and what it represents? Will she know that in quiet moments of solitude I pried open the box my father gave me to peer upon its untarnished gold? Will she better be able to where it?


I remember them both during this odd time in my life, when the one that helped make me who I am through thousands of small cherished moments faces another year of cancer, and when the other can't understand why I turned away from him after receiving this cross and the family I've always wanted to know. These are sometimes the jewels of a woman's life, and in a gesture of trust and good will, I've shared them with you here. And still so early in my life, I can only wonder what jewels lie ahead.

Pondering Kepler-22

I was just reading an article to my cousins about the discovery of Kepler-22, the newest discovered Earth-like planet. Some 600 light years away, a planet almost two and a half times the size of Earth is orbiting a star much like our sun. Talking about it with them brought some interesting facts to light.

1. If we had a space craft that could travel at the speed of light, the astronauts on the mission would have to give birth to at least 20 generations of offspring in order to complete the journey to Kepler-22. This is assuming that people give birth roughly every 30 years from the start of the mission. So think about generations of people born at the speed of light, never knowing still life on the ground.

2. I believe that our lives on Earth are heavily influenced by the planets in our solar system, especially the moon. The tides, when things grow and reproduce, our menstrual cycles, are all influenced by the moon. Imagine what effect not having a moon, or having three moons, would have on us if we lived on a different planet.

3. Kepler-22 is 2.4 times the size of Earth. That means that if Kepler rotates at the same speed as Earth, our days would be nearly 60 hours long.

That made me wonder other things, like how many 60 hour days it takes Kepler to rotate its sun, and how that would effect our concept of time and our lifespan. Would it suddenly go from 80 years to 40? How long would our seasons be? Would life seem shorter if we knew we had half as many winters or would time seem to go by slower if our seasons were 2.4x, or 4x or 6x longer?

Just some interesting things to ponder.

Another chance to ride...

Today I met my father's eldest sister, Auntie Alma, and her husband, Uncle Lester, who has been training horses since he was in high school. I had the chance to ride six-year old Jasper, an Apalloosa horse, in the ring after a few months hiatus from Katherine's lessons in Stockbridge, MA. It was nice to get back in the saddle again with a new horse, and not be afraid. Tomorrow I'm breaking up Thanksgiving courses with a ride on a Tennessee Walker. Fun times!

Union

I say union because reunion implies a returning, a customary practice, or tradition. But this week during Thanksgiving for the first time I will be meeting my three brothers. I will meet nieces and a nephew that I never knew I had, and two sisters that I haven't seen since I was nine years old. I am doing all of this in company with a father that I never knew wanted to be a part of my life. This is an immensely personal post coming at a time that I have awaited for nearly my entire life. Painful voids are slowly being filled, at the very least some questions are being answered. I am not writing this to expose a painful past but to simply state that at times it was, and to remind all, that no matter the experiences we've lost or the memories that we didn't get to make with missed loved ones, there is always tomorrow and a million memories more to make. Their is always today and the dreams we still hold dear.

Today I picked my father up from the Birmingham Airport. Tomorrow we are driving with my two youngest sisters to Blakely, Georgia, where I will be surrounded by family I never knew I had but waits for me still. Tomorrow I go to embrace them with the diamond cross my father gave me hanging around my neck. Though it does not represent who I am spiritually, I wear it in solidarity and respect for my family, to remember that despite differences, family is the most important thing beneath the sky, and because I truly believe that something both outside of myself and within myself - God - is what has finally brought all of us together.

I also need to say that I did grow up with a dad, and that even though he is not my biological father, I am so thankful to have him in my life still, even years after his separation from my mother. Now my life is twice-blessed. Where there was one, there are now two. What could I be more thankful for over Thanksgiving? I am so grateful for all the love I have flowing into my life, and for the generous souls that have touched me during this past year. I have changed and grown for the better because of it, for it, and in spite of those that try to tell me otherwise. Start following your dreams today and live the life you deserve to live right now, and don't forget to say THANK YOU!

May all of you have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,
DOVE

One of many projects I have completed of late...

The new lace top I crocheted with my favorite crocheted lorraine lace scarf! Details and pattern information can be found under my "Off the Hook" tab.

Reflecting on Occupy

All I can say is this: that for the last year and change I have crisscrossed this country and seen the impact that our failing economy and irresponsible government has had on the everyday lives of people just like me, older and younger. College students question the value of their education and their future, while seasoned employees find themselves starting all over again. Decreasing tourism in Maui, a surplus of graduates with no jobs in the university city of Boston, unemployment in the Berkshires, are just a few things that I have not only noticed but been influenced by in much the same way as many other Americans, I can't find a job and my student loans are in unemployment deferment. I came down to Alabama to be with family while I figure out my next steps and get back home to Oakland. I learned that my grandmother's social security checks barely cover the most essential of her living expenses. She's been a laundry maid and seen the brutality of the Civil Rights Movement, her late husband was a veteran of the Korean War, but for the first time in her life she is dependent on food stamps and donations from the food bank to make ends meet. She is part of the generation that pinched and saved so that they could have more in retirement but social security is not enough anymore. What does that mean for me? Now, in Birmingham, watching and reading about the Occupy groups gaining momentum across the country, in Maui, Boston, Atlanta, Birmingham, and at my home in Oakland and Berkeley, my travels over the last year have added meaning and familiarity to the unique struggles facing each community across the country. I can't wait to get back to my hometown and show support with my friends and family there. Until then, I am the 99% in Birmingham, Alabama.

 

Alabama

Go back to go forward. Sometimes you have to go back farther than you want to, and then farther again. I've come back to a place that I was from a long time ago. I wasn't born here. I don't know it's geography the way I know the ridges of the Sierras. I don't cherish its groves the way I do the fruit-filled forests of Maui. I don't welcome its humidity the way I do the soft misty fog creeping over the Puget Sound. Because I have never seen its small gulf coast, I am always lost in the lay of its land. I am not proud of this place, but I defend it fiercely. I don't get its religion, but its white chapel churches I honor despite myself. This place holds the people I have dared to forget about and the people I cannot stop loving. The bones of my ancestors - African, Cherokee, Muscogee, French - are moving fossils held in the rock and blood of its geology. I am angry at this land, for if I was not of it, I would never think of it. If I was not of it, I could pretend to love it. I am in this place now, breathing its soul in... and oh the truths I've learned, the secrets I've inherited, the pains I've sung, and the laughs I've ached out with tears. What a painful treasure this place is. A secret, smelling of sweet gum trees and steel furnaces, whose existence is mighty, whose history is majestic, whose truth pushes me onward boldly into a life I am no longer afraid of living.

Copyright 2011